Mothers I See Your Struggle: A Devotional on Encouraging Each Other

Recently my heart was filled with empathy and compassion for a mum who was out shopping with her two daughters. The girls were very close in age, likely to be around three and four. There wasn’t that much difference between me and this mum really, in that we were trying to get some food shopping done, whilst taking care of our little ones as we did it. We had the same purpose, to provide for our children, and to get in and out of that shop as smoothly as possible, and as quickly as possible! It was just after school pick up, so I’ll admit, not the best time to go shopping, hungry children, busy shops and children whose minds are filled with events from their day that they all want to share with you, and they all want to do it at the same time. Whilst you shop, if you haven’t got a list, you are trying to remember what you came in for, at the same time, your children’s little voices (or big!) are bombarding your brain with all sorts of demands and chattering. It can be challenging, but at the same time, you haven’t seen them all day, so you don’t want to discourage them from the infectious buzz of enthusiasm that flows out from them.

Going back to the mum I referred to right at the start, although there wasn’t that much difference between us on the surface or in our mission for that time, stepping back a little from the situation it was clear that this mum had much more to deal with in this moment.

You see, her youngest little girl was screaming, throughout the whole time her mum and eldest daughter were pacing around the isles, her little girl threw herself around the supermarket, on the floor, shouting and screaming so loud that most people who care would think there was something seriously wrong. It wasn’t a ‘normal’ tantrum, and believe me, I’ve seen a few. Discerning the situation, this seemed different. What also struck me was how the mother calmly and patiently moved along with her daughter, with hardly a raised voice and swiftly lifted her up off the floor. It was only when the boxes of beers that were stacked up along the sides of the checkout, (which to be honest, were just in the way), tumbled down into the middle of the isle. It was only then that her patience was stretched a little and the tone in her voice revealed a slight mention of discipline.

Please continue with me, I’m most definitely not criticising this mother. In fact, the complete opposite. It might seem strange if a parent doesn’t intervene when a child is behaving in an uncontrollable way, but the difficulty is, we really don’t know the situation.

What we don’t know……

We don’t know what happened the few moments before to spark off this distressed little girl, we don’t know what approach the mother was taking, we don’t know if the way she was dealing with this situation was a method used to resolve an ongoing struggle with her daughters behaviour, or maybe she had dealt with so much screaming already that she was actually crumbling inside and the only way she could cope was to ignore her child, maybe she was protecting herself from exploding in the middle of the store. Perhaps she had been trying to find the best approach for months on end and nothing seemed to work and she was tired and alone and had had enough of being a mother, (but not really). The list could go on, there are so many possible reasons that might not be apparent to us on the outside.

As a mother, I could see her struggle. It was clear enough that I felt I couldn’t just stand back without saying anything to offer help. It was when I was at the checkout and the supernaturally patient mother had just experienced the collapse of the boxes of beer on the floor whilst she carried her kicking and screaming daughter in her arms and attempted to put her shopping on the belt that I knew this mum had to know how amazing she is. I wanted to bring her a glimpse of hope, some light in her situation.

This world is filled with light when we open our eyes to it, but of course there is much darkness. If we can discern a situation and recognise the need for help, if we can shine a light over someone’s struggle, we are giving them hope. Standing back and turning away is often to easiest option but imagine if we slowed down from our fast-paced life and saw people, if we took our thoughts away from our own struggles for a time and directed our thoughts towards someone else in their struggles, if we gave people more time. The impact on their day could be so powerful. That power all comes from love. Love that comes from God, who loved us first.

‘We love because he first loved us.’ (1 John 4:19)

After going through a season in our family where we rarely had time or made time for devotionals in the morning, we have recently become more intentional about it again. It’s like that, sometimes the consistency falls away and we must change things up a bit. We had been talking together about making time for others and how important it is, it’s helpful to be reminded because we can easily become consumed with our own plans.

We seem to live in a culture where sometimes we avoid getting involved in someone else’s situation in fear of offending them, but what’s the worst that can happen, they can say, ‘No thank you,’ and even if they do get upset with you, their response is likely to only come from a place a stress. Of course, we have to be wise and discerning.

In the end, I did ask this mother if she would like help, and she responded very gratefully with a ‘No thank you.’ It was clear that this type of response from her daughter wasn’t new to her. As we all left the shop, I gave the mum some words of encouragement and she was so thankful. She explained that her daughter has autism and gets upset when they go shopping. As she approached her car with a big smile on her face, I turned away with my eyes filled up with tears, even as I write this, I am choked with empathy and compassion. This mum must keep going, through all the screams and distress that her daughter goes through, she can’t just stop going shopping!

This brief encounter with this mum had such an impact on my heart, it brought back the memories of my struggles as a mother when my two eldest children were very little. There are only fourteen months between them. I remember days where I was crumbing inside, days where people would stand by and watch and look at me struggling with my children, days when all I could do was sit on the living room floor surrounded by their toys, whilst my precious little ones used the settee as soft play, and I fed them potato waffles, cereal and crisps for dinner because emotionally I had nothing left to give, and energy, well, the dinner explains it all. I remember the days when I would fall into darker pits. However, I also remember that there were often days when friends and family would shine a light, bring hope and lift me up, those were the moments that encouraged me, kept me going and made a way for me, giving me sight to see the light in the darkness.

You can read my testimony that speaks more of my struggle with depression during motherhood. Whatever we are going through, nothing is wasted. Difficult times give us more compassion and empathy for others who might be going through similar struggles. We will come out stronger.

Jesus is light, Jesus is hope, Jesus makes a way. The compassion and love that he has for us shines through us to others so that we can then encourage those around us and build each other up.

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. (2 Corinthians 1: 3-4)

Yes my situation is different to the next person, so I can’t compare exactly, we are all going through unique experiences, but what I can do is show people love and kindness that flows from my own life experiences, and from the love of God, revealing hope though storms and shining light over darkness.

The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it. (John 1:5)

He tends his flock like a shepherd:
He gathers the lambs in his arms
and carries them close to his heart;
He gently leads those that have young. (Isaiah 40:11)